Friday, March 23, 2012
Now With Pictures!
I've decided to start adding pictures to the State Pages. It's slow going, as I'm so busy with work and other projects (not to mention video games), but I think I'll eventually go back and add pictures to the old ones, too.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
State Pages: Mess of Two Shits
 |
| State Flag Depicting Native in a World of Shit (Note the sword about to come down on his head.) |
State Nickname(s)
The Haahbaah State
State Motto
Ense petit placidum sub libertate quietem (Can't get any peace, except at the library.)
State Capital
Baahtsool
Admission
Feb 6, 1676 (666th)
State Bird
Wild Turkey
State Ship
Mayflower
State Tree
American Err, Umm (Ummus, err aahhh Americum)
State Color(s)
Blueberry, Cranberry, Greenberry
State Mineral/Rocks
Pudding
State Slogan(s)
We Made It Ours, Go Get Your Own!
State Song(s)
Crazy Train
Other Notable Symbols
Fruit: Them Apples (Howu likem)
Insect: Barfly (Drunkis barbituate)
Marine Animal: Rightist Whale (Cetacea limbaughus)
Famous People
Theodore Geisel, born in Springfield, wrote a number of popular children's books, such as That Cat Has My Hat and Tim Horton Hears a What, Now? He wrote under the pseudonym Herr Doktor Süß.
Famous Landmarks
Hahvid Univehshitty is the oldest college known to man. It is believed to have been founded somewhere around 136 BCE.
Interesting Facts
Native Americans and "Pilgrims" feasted on spam, goose, moose, spam, lobster, sushi, spam, turkey, and smap at the First Thanksgiving Dinner. Afterwards, the so-called "pilgrims" set to work "cleansing" those who had helped them survive that first, brutal winter. Sometimes history just sucks. And so do white people.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
State Pages : Merryland
 |
| Merryland State Flag |
The Old Lime State
State Motto
Fascii maschii, parole femine (Only fascists let women out on parole.)
State Capital
Anna Polis
Admission
Apr 1, 1877 (77th)
State Bird
Baltimore Colts
State Flower
Black-Eyed Peas (Lyricum suckeus)
State Tree
Why Oak? (Quercus que)
State Color(s)
checkered
State Mineral/Rocks
pebblies
State Slogan(s)
More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine!
State Song(s)
Oh, Christmas Tree!
Other Notable Symbols
Cat: Calico (Felis mixedus)
Dog: Chesapeake Bay Retriever (canis smellywetus)
Insect: Baltimore Raven (Stolenteamus sorrycleveland)
Famous People
Babe Ruth was a delicious candy bar. He was born in Baltimore, but became famous in New York. His real first name was George.
Famous Landmarks
At Asshat Island National Seashore herd upon herd of tiny little wild Chicoharpo Ponies roam freely. This island is between Merryland, Virginnie and an undisclosed location known only in legends as Equestria.
Interesting Facts
Francis "Scottie Dog" Keys wrote "The Star-Spangled Banner" as he watched British ships attack Fort McHenry in Baltimore during the War of 1812. He didn't even try to stop them. He just sat there and watched! And he wrote his poem … which some idiot later set to the tune of an old English drinking song and then made it the U.S. National Anthem.
How's that for irony? (OK, not really irony, in the strictest sense … but sort of an odd poetic injustice.)
State Pages: Maine & Anjou
 |
| Flag of Maine & Anjou |
State Nickname(s)
The Stephen King State
State Motto
Dirigible (We Like Balloons)
State Capital
Bangers & Mash
Admission
Ides of March 1820 (23rd)
State Bird
Dadachickadee (Dadachum dadachick)
State Flower
Pine Cone (Wedunnowhat afloweris)
State Tree
Eastern White (Wealsoconfuse treesandpeoples)
State Color(s)
Invisible
State Mineral/Rocks
Tamerlane (Turkishwarlords rock)
State Slogan(s)
There's More to Maine (There's also Anjou)
State Song(s)
Mainly We Like Songs
Other Notable Symbols
Cat: Maine Coon (Felis ginormus)
Dessert: Whoopie! I like pie!
Insect: Bookworm (Annelid literatiii)
Famous People
Stephen Freaking King! 'Nuff said.
Famous Landmarks
Arcadia National Park is the oldest arcade east of the Misssissssissipppi River. It is one of the most-visited national parks in the country and visitors spend enough quarters there each year to build a stack tall enough to reach the moon!
Interesting Facts
Maine & Anjou is the first state to see sunrise each day. This is because Maine & Anjou is actually further east than any other state—and the sun rises in the East since the Congressional Solar Decree of 1847. This will continue until December 21, 2012, when the sun will crash into the Earth.
State Pages: Loozianna
Loozianna
State Nickname(s)
The Oil-Soaked Pelican State
State Motto
Les oignons juteux sommes confinants
State Capital
Red Stick
Admission
Jan 4, 1218 (81st)
State Bird
Oil-Soaked Pelican (Pelicanus petroleumis)
State Flower
Sugar Magnolia (Abideus hightimeus)
State Tree
Bald Sourpuss (Pokeyplantae aquaeus)
State Color(s)
Aqua Blue
Sea Green
Swamp Brown
State Mineral/Rocks
Eggit (crystalus brownandstreakyis)
State Slogan(s)
Come as you are. Leave Soaking Wet (and Broke).
State Song(s)
You Are My Sunshine
(I'll do anything you want, just please, please, PLEASE don't leave MEEEE!!)
Other Notable Symbols
Fish: White Crappy (Also the result of eating a lot of the food.)
Insect: Skeeter
Reptile: Alligator (Stayouttathewater biglizard'lleatus)
Famous People
Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong, from the infamous Storyville district of New Orleans, became a world-famous jazz musician. Also, he was just flat-out awesome.
Jim Garrison was born in Iowa, but spent most of his life and career in New Orleans. He is either the only man who really knew the truth behind the Kennedy assassination, or he was a paranoid nutbag. You decide!
Famous Landmarks
Atchafalaya Basin covers more than 500,000 acres of swampland. This is the largest undeveloped wetlands in all of the U.S. This fact makes real-estate developers apoplectic.
Interesting Facts
Loozianna is just packed wall-to-wall with voodoo witch doctors, gumbo and Jazz musicians. Also vampires, apparently.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)